Tags
adultery, advice, betrayal, healing infidelity, one night stand, reconcile marriage, sexual affair
An infidelity friend asks,
“My husband confessed to a one-night-stand. He is remorseful, has cut all ties with her, and wants to reconcile. I can forgive him because he’s a good man otherwise. But I’ve wondered if I would have felt the same had it been a long term affair he’d had with her. So my question to you Addy is, does the type of sexual affair matter? And DOES IT even matter or make a difference? Isn’t the point in all of this to heal OURselves and OUR marriages regardless of what my husband has done?”
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The type of infidelity does matter. One does not heal and recover from a train wreck as they would from a paper cut.
The type of betrayal, the length it occurred for, the extent of deception, the trickery and the duplicity involved, makes an insurmountable difference.
When a betrayed spouse (BS) has to deal with multiple years and layers of cheating, lying and deceit, or with a sex addiction, or with their cheating spouse (CS) falling in love with the affair partner (AP), or their CS leaving for the AP, or the CS has drained bank accounts, etc., it makes a difference. The variables are greater and far more complex than a one-night-stand.
I am not belittling what has happened to you because you have been betrayed, but you’re comparing apples to dragon fruit.
I wish you well in your reconciliation.
Ask Addy - Advice For Discerning Individuals 
But Addy, I’m trying to recover from my husband’s infidelity which was far more than a one-night-stand, and if I am asking to see the train wreck report and read every detail, then reliving that for me is a nightmare, and one I don’t want to repeat daily. If I know all the details I will be forever haunted by them. Isn’t it better to turn the other way and work on healing?
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To recover and reconcile from the affair, you must be able to forgive him. So as long as you can forgive him, without knowing the details, then this is a suitable solution for you. If you are one who can go forth in this manner I commend you.
There are many reasons why knowing the details is important, and you may come to find this as time moves by.
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