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An infidelity persona non grata asks,

“I had an affair with a married man a long time ago for 3 years. I loved him SO much and I believed he loved me, at least enough to tell his wife about it and he was torn. No children, thank goodness. We were good together in all ways – as friends, lovers, and felt a wonderful comfort with each other. He was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I never pressured him to leave his wife, but I did pressure him at times to make some choices. We even went to therapy together, after which I got scared because it became very real to me that perhaps things would not change.

I wanted to end it too for fear of a disastrous ending. I tried but couldn’t do it. Today, in retrospect, I wish I had the character to have never begun the affair. Affairs (no matter how wonderful they may be) don’t usually end with happiness.

One day, he just ran away from the whole situation because he could not choose and I was devastated. I just wish I had the strength to end it when I should have (and still have a choice) instead of waiting for a very bad ending.

To some wives out there….sometimes, people can fall in love with another person and while I believe in the bonds & loyalty of marriage, love is a hard thing to break.

With some men it’s not a big deal; but in his case it was. I never meant to hurt his wife; that’s for sure. I wanted to talk to her, but all I got were nasty words. I understand that too but it’s hard to let go of love, don’t you think?

A question asked in response to hers by another poster:

Why don’t you wish that you had the character to have never begun the affair?

Her response to this comment:

“Actually, I did have the character to not start the affair (at least for 6 months). We became friends long before we became intimate. Yes, I knew he was married and I suppressed my feelings until I couldn’t.

Passion/love is a powerful thing, and in a moments time, I gave into my feelings. I actually don’t regret what we had (and still have from long distance). The only thing I regret is hurting his wife. They are no longer married, but by that time I was out of the picture. Who are you to judge someone’s overall character?”

Well he is a human being, and that’s what we do, judge character.

Since your logic and sensibility disagrees with mine, I will do my best to help you understand yours. And since my time is limited, I have chosen this indelible quote to assist you in your understanding. But I’ve also chosen it because to ignore this testimonial–sent out like a beacon to wives all over the world–would be blasphemous and remiss of me.

To some wives out there….sometimes, people can fall in love with another person and while I believe in the bonds & loyalty of marriage, love is a hard thing to break.

I can imagine this statement would do well as a warning sign posted at the marriage registry office.

Now, allow me to rephrase this concise and beguiling quote in a realistic and insightful perspective, elongated to include the delicious nooks and crannies, that bring out all the flavour.

Your quote would read:

‘To the many wives out there who have been betrayed by wayward women like myself. We sometimes find your husbands attractive, and when there is nothing going on in our lives, decide we want to become friends, nothing more really, I just wanna get to know him as a friend. But after about six months of being friends, I can’t stop wetting my linens over the thoughts of turning this innocent friendship–no really it was– into an adulterous affair; and the thoughts of it are too exquisite to ignore.

I know he’s married, and I do believe in the sacred union of marriage, and all that crap about bonds and loyalty, but I’m not in a marriage, so it doesn’t apply to me. If he wants me, which I think he does after six months of flirting and carefully selecting my wardrobe each morning, then how is that wrong?

Now I’ve fallen in love and I want to spend the rest of my life with another woman’s husband. I tried to talk to her but all I got was vinegar, I do feel sorry for her though. If she told me that she really wanted him back then I probably would have stepped away. I took him to therapy to see if I could rope him into marrying me, but it all blew up in my face and he ran away. I wish I could have left him first as it sucks to be the one who got dumped.’

There, now that I’ve added some organically certified sea salt, how does it taste?

What you understand to be passion and love is generally regarded as desperation and infatuation. Love comes from a true and honest union, between two unattached individuals, not from one that is wrought from repugnance and destined for damnation, as you have clearly discovered.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my tea is getting cold.

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