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An infidelity friend asks,

“My husband has a long history of having inappropriate relationships with people via text, email, and facebook. On one occasion I know that he left the house to go meet up with someone he met. Each time I’ve caught him online searching the singles ads, he’s apologized and promised to never do it again.

Now I find out he’s talking to a girl that is friends with alot of our friends. This girl is one that I have a bad feeling about. I’ve asked that he stop talking to her because I’ve heard from multiple mutual friends that she’s untrustworthy and gets enjoyment out of breaking up relationships. He told me he has stopped, yet when I look at his cell phone records, he talked to her for half an hour yesterday morning.

He complains that we don’t have enough sex, so apparently multiple times a week isn’t enough. Last night he was at the point where he was going to leave because he said he doesn’t want to keep hurting me. This is my 3rd marriage, and all 3 of them have been unfaithful… Really makes me wonder what is wrong with me and why am I not good enough.”

It has nothing to do with you, or why you’re not good enough, but rather that you have a susceptibility for choosing the wrong type of man for a longterm monogamous relationship. We have all been there.

People lie when they’re dating, or perhaps skew the truth, to make themselves more eligible and attractive. This is why it’s so important to pay attention, from the outset, and take their past into consideration, and not dismiss red flags, no matter how insignificant at the time. If you question something, there’s a reason for it.

Too often we become attached to someone, who’s met most of our standards, only to stave off lonliness and cravings, and end up with someone who isn’t the person we thought they were, or should be with.

Some people are obsessed with the nerve endings on their genitals, and don’t have enough personal interests to tend to, and default to private sexual stimulation. When one spends too much time doing this, their form of stimulation changes, and their compatibility with monogamy goes out the window. They fog themselves to believe that this is who they are meant to be. It’s smallmindedness and base, and its rampant in this world of easy access, and the dire need for distraction.

If he said maybe he should leave because he doesn’t keep wanting to hurt you, he’s telling you something. I don’t think he has the intention or ability to curb his habits. He doesn’t seem to understand that what he’s doing, is dismantling your marriage, without any consideration to you.

You have the choice of altering your relationship and allowing such, or refusing to do so, declare your boundaries, and make the necessary decisions and changes to find your true happiness.