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An infidelity friend asks,

“Last week i came clean to my partner of 6 years about some serious issues, including cheating and sex addiction. Now a week later, we are both seeing counselors. I want nothing more than to repair all the damage I’ve caused. The moment I admitted to her that I cheated, a switch flipped on inside me and now all I want to be is not that same person. How do I rebuild the trust and make her feel safe again? Can we ever be intimate again, and will she ever forgive me?”

Before a betrayed spouse can trust again, they will need to know that the issues that caused their cheating spouse (CS) to deceive and betray them, have been resolved.

You’ve been exposed, and now you’re in damage control. You say you have a sex addiction, so how do you plan on dealing with that? A monogamous spouse can’t trust a husband that has a sex addiction.

What steps are you taking to deal with your issues so that it won’t happen again? You say you’re in counselling, however psychotherapy requires years of weekly sessions that involve deep introspective study on oneself to discover why we do the things we do. There’s no switch in this case, it’s a long road with a lot of hard work on your part.

You can start your journey of rediscovery by realizing how selfish and controlling your actions were. You can read all you want on the topic of infidelity and sex addictions, as many do, but until you can make the connection, it won’t take flight.

I wish you well on your road to recovery and reconciliation.