A relationships friend asks,
“Last year my husband and I were going through a very difficult time and ended up separating. During my separation I became very close friends to a guy that I worked with at the time, and nothing sexually ever happened between us.
My husband and I have given things a second try, but this marriage is not much better than it was before. This last winter I fell in love with this friend, I haven’t seen or spoken to him on the phone in months. On occasion we say hi in email, but that is it.
I miss him every day and it makes me incredibly sad. If I wasn’t married we would be together now, as he cares about me very much, but keeps his distance because of the situation.
The hardest thing is that I just cannot seem to get over him, I think about him all the time, and miss him dearly. We never even held hands and still I cannot shake all these feelings I have for him. What do I do Addy?”
The mind is a powerful entity and it can lead us to believe many scenarios, all of which rely highly on our current state of mind.
You met when you were experiencing a tender time, and you bonded with him more intensely since you had just separated from your husband and desired the closeness of someone who cared about you; it’s a very common reaction.
You had a taste of something so delicious that you cannot get that taste out of your mouth. You’ve tasted it but you didn’t get the chance to swallow, to see how it digests. He might seem like the perfect man for you, but you won’t know until you have been with him as a lover and partner. You say you love him, yet you have not been intimate with him.
The grass always shines greener on the other side; and you’ve had the opportunity to jauntily perch yourself on the edge of it’s grassy knoll.
You’ve taken back your husband to reconcile, yet your lawn is turning yellow and requires tending. Can you say you’re placing all your energy into making it exciting again?
The less happy you are in your marriage, the more exciting and enticing this other man will seem to you. The more you fantasize about him, the more likely you’ll come to eventually do something erratic that you may regret.
I wish you strength and resolve.