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An infidelity friend asks,

“Dear Addy, my husband had an affair and we are rebuilding and reconciling, but I have read about having a revenge affair, to make me feel better, I suppose, I don’t know. I just feel that if I did, I wouldn’t feel so sorrowful all the time, I just can’t bring myself to do it though. Should I care? Please tell me what you think about this.”

Having an affair requires quite a lot of time, thought and energy, and it’s not the natural reaction for a betrayed spouse; if it were, I’d be concerned.

For quite a while after discovery day, the thought of being intimate with anyone can bring on an immediate gag reflex, removing any chances of composing oneself enough to lure someone into your trap; and like a drunk who reeks of booze, the betrayed spouse would reek of retribution.

Now, having a fantasy or private thoughts about an affair or a revenge f**k, can be quite soothing to the wound, and expressing such desires to your cheating spouse, whilst watching them wince and whimper, can have an equally gratifying effect.

And on those days when you find yourself sharpening your knives incessantly for no apparent reason, and feel the need to take it up a notch, leading them to believe you’re still thinking about having one, can leave you with a delightfully warm and calming feeling.