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A dating and relationships friend asks,

“I found the one who got away over a decade ago. I have his address and he lives a few miles from me. Long complicated story behind it, but am I crazy if I knock on his door or walk passed his house??? If he’s married and has kids, that is my closure. But I’m totally excited I found him. What would you do? Oh and we were friends for years before he disappeared from my life.”

“…before he disappeared from my life.”

Your own words should guide you somewhat on your decision, and due to your unfruitful past relationships and dating, I fear you may be acting out of desperation.

Time and nostalgia have a way of blocking the reality of the past, and we tend to garnish, prettify and glamorize details when we recall them. We do this for a number of reasons, but mostly to keep us sound.

Knocking on his door is intrusive and awkward, as he’ll probably be in the middle of something, and since you live across town and have no reason to be there, it will seem contrived and suspicious; not to mention the questions he’ll ask as to how you found him and the reason why you’ve shown up at his door.

Walking by his house, or hanging out, hoping to accidentally bump into him, or catch a glimpse of a wife and kids baking cookies through the kitchen window, will come across as nothing less than stalking. Digging into a man’s life, you once knew ten years ago, to see if he’s married, dating, or available, and having to knock on his front door to find out, is not a pretty place for a lady to be.

Stay strong, keep your head high, exercise, eat well, join personal interest groups, take your focus off of dating and place it on personal growth. Live the life you want to live, be the person you want to be with, and the right man will come your way. And in case he doesn’t, you’re living the life you want to live, you’re not waiting for it to happen.

I wish you well.

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